Daniel Conderman 
Opening Segment: The Commish’s Grand Declaration
The arena is cloaked in darkness. The crowd murmurs with anticipation until the unmistakable opening notes of Also Sprach Zarathustra (2001: A Space Odyssey) thunder through the speakers. A single spotlight pierces the darkness, illuminating The Commish standing tall in the center of the ring. His iconic fedora tilts slightly forward, and his arms are spread wide, welcoming the crowd.
The Commish’s Speech:
“Ladies and gentlemen, Smack Talkers far and wide, welcome… to a new era! We’ve always been more than a wrestling show. We’re a family, a creative force, a group of wild dreamers and storytellers. Tonight, we’re not just entertaining you—we’re building a world together. A world where YOU have the power to create, to control, and to push the boundaries of personal entertainment.
“Forget the giant corporations! Forget the stale, scripted nonsense! Smack Talk Wrestling is YOUR league, YOUR imagination, and YOUR chaos! So, buckle up, because tonight, we’re kicking off a revolution of fun, laughter, and absolute mayhem. Let’s show the world what happens when passionate people come together. Let’s make history, starting right here at the Hey Barn!”
The music crescendos as the crowd erupts, their cheers shaking the very rafters of the Hey Barn.
Backstage Segment: The Wacky Convergence
The camera cuts backstage to a chaotic scene: Granny is wielding a turkey leg like a weapon, fending off The Triad of Oddities, who are attempting to spell “GRANNY PIE” in the mashed potatoes left over from Sunday Supper. Meanwhile, PeeWee is chasing Tik-Tok Timmy down the hallway, yelling, “Give me back my camcorder!” Timmy is holding an antique 8mm camera that is mysteriously recording on its own.
Joe Joe Sausage Head storms in, muttering, “Where’s Bungston?! I’m getting my money back tonight!” Bungston Big Bucks smirks from the corner, briefcase in hand, flanked by Hank ‘The Babe’ Williams.
Suddenly, Luscious Locks enters, her hair glowing faintly. She pauses and tilts her head, staring at a clock ticking backward on the wall.
Luscious Locks: “It’s him. The Timekeeper’s here. I can feel it.”
The room falls silent as everyone exchanges uneasy glances. Then, out of nowhere, Santa Claws bursts in, slipping on a puddle left by Drippy McGee.
Santa Claws: “Ho ho NO! Who left this here? And why is my sleigh covered in gravy again?!”
Granny lets out an exasperated sigh. “Enough! Y’all better settle this nonsense in the ring before I roll ALL of you into a pie!”
The scene cuts to the ring as the crowd laughs and cheers, ready for the night’s action to unfold.
Match Card for Sunday Night:
- Opening Match: Joe Joe Sausage Head vs. Bungston Big Bucks
Stakes: Joe Joe’s quest to recover his stolen WienerCoins continues, but Bungston has Hank “The Babe” Williams in his corner. Will Joe Joe finally expose the scam, or will Bungston’s dirty tricks prevail? - The Triad of Oddities vs. Santa Claws and Alphabet Soup
Stakes: A wild tag-team match where chaos reigns supreme. Can Santa Claws and the spelling savants bring order to the madness? - Mid-Show Promo: Luscious Locks Calls Out the Timekeeper
Highlight: Luscious addresses the eerie signs and challenges the Timekeeper directly. Will he answer her call? - Main Event: Ann Von Chovie and The Enigma Phoenix vs. Hank “The Babe” Williams and Tik-Tok Timmy
Stakes: A high-stakes tag match that pits fiery ambition against brute strength and unpredictability. Can Ann and Phoenix coexist long enough to secure the win?
The Smack Talk Saga: The Case of the Missing WienerCoins
The Rusty Pelican buzzed with energy as the crowd packed into the dimly lit bar-turned-wrestling arena. Neon lights flickered overhead, the scent of popcorn and spilled beer mingling with the palpable excitement in the air. A single spotlight illuminated the ring as the booming voice of the announcer echoed through the room.
“Ladies and gentlemen, kicking off tonight’s chaos… JOE JOE SAUSAGE HEAD versus BUNGSTON BIG BUCKS!”
The crowd roared as Joe Joe Sausage Head burst through the curtain, his sausage-themed cape flowing dramatically behind him. He marched to the ring with the determination of a man whose cryptocurrency wallet had been looted—and let’s face it, it had. His face was twisted in anger, and his mic work started before he even hit the apron.
“BUNGSTON!” he bellowed, pointing a defiant finger toward the entrance ramp. “Get your glittery scam artist butt out here and FACE ME! WHERE’S MY MONEY?”
The crowd chanted along with Joe Joe: “WHERE’S HIS MONEY?!”
The response was immediate. Bungston Big Bucks strutted out, glittering in his gold suit and holding his infamous golden briefcase aloft. Behind him loomed Hank “The Babe” Williams, his smug grin reflecting his overconfidence. Bungston adjusted his tie, waved dismissively at the crowd, and stepped into the ring.
“Joe Joe, my dear misguided friend,” Bungston said, his voice dripping with condescension. “This isn’t about money. It’s about vision. WienerCoin isn’t a scam—it’s an opportunity. You’ve just got to spend money to make money.”
Joe Joe lunged, and the bell rang just in time to signal the start of the match.
The Battle Begins
Joe Joe wasted no time, launching into Bungston with a series of furious strikes. His fists pounded against Bungston’s sequined vest, driving the con artist into the ropes. With a roar, Joe Joe grabbed Bungston by the lapels and hurled him across the ring, sending him bouncing off the ropes and into a bone-rattling back body drop.
“WHERE’S MY MONEY?!” Joe Joe screamed again, hoisting Bungston to his feet and slamming him into the turnbuckle.
Hank tried to intervene, shouting from ringside, “Get your head in the game, Bungston!” But Joe Joe wasn’t letting up. He hit Bungston with a thunderous suplex, followed by a devastating elbow drop.
The crowd was on its feet, cheering Joe Joe’s dominance. But Bungston wasn’t out of tricks. As the referee checked on him, Bungston subtly pulled a shiny coin from his pocket.
“Hey, Joe Joe, catch!” he shouted, tossing the coin into the air.
Instinctively, Joe Joe reached for it, and in that split second, Bungston delivered a sneaky low blow. The crowd erupted in boos as Bungston grinned and strutted around the ring.
Joe Joe’s Comeback
But Joe Joe wasn’t down for long. Fueled by sheer determination and possibly the memory of his dwindling crypto wallet, he rallied with a powerful clothesline that sent Bungston sprawling.
Meanwhile, Hank climbed onto the apron, yelling and waving his arms. Joe Joe turned and charged, delivering a brutal forearm smash that sent Hank tumbling to the floor. The crowd exploded in cheers as Joe Joe scaled the ropes, preparing for his signature Sausage Splash.
The Turn of the Tide
Just as Joe Joe launched himself into the air, Bungston pulled a hidden roll of coins from his tights. With uncanny precision, he clobbered Joe Joe mid-flight. The coins scattered across the mat as Joe Joe crumpled to the canvas.
The ref caught sight of the coins and looked suspicious, but Bungston had already kicked them out of the ring, feigning innocence. He pounced on Joe Joe for a roll-up, planting his feet on the ropes for leverage.
“One! Two! Three!”
The bell rang, and the room filled with a chorus of boos as Bungston scrambled to his feet, grabbing his golden briefcase and holding it high. Hank recovered just in time to join him in the ring, flexing and taunting the crowd.
Post-Match Drama
As Bungston and Hank basked in their ill-gotten victory, Joe Joe grabbed a mic, fury blazing in his eyes.
“This isn’t over, Bungston! You can cheat, you can lie, but the truth will come out—and when it does, I’ll be there to take back what’s mine!”
Before Bungston could respond, the lights in the Rusty Pelican dimmed, and an eerie hum filled the air. The crowd murmured in confusion as Tik-Tok Timmy’s theme music blared through the speakers.
Timmy burst onto the stage, wielding his bizarre morphing camera. With a flourish, the camera transformed into an antique 8mm projector, casting a grainy, swirling image of the Timekeeper’s mark onto the wall behind the ring.
“Joe Joe,” Timmy said with a sly grin, “the truth isn’t what you think.”
The crowd fell into an uneasy silence as Joe Joe stared at Timmy, Bungston clutched his briefcase nervously, and the haunting image of the Timekeeper’s mark loomed over them all.
The Fallout
Joe Joe rolled out of the ring, clutching his ribs but still defiant. Bungston and Hank retreated, casting wary glances at the mark on the wall. And Timmy? He just stood there, smirking, as if he held the key to the entire WienerCoin mystery.
The night was only beginning, and already the stakes were higher than ever. The crowd buzzed with anticipation, wondering what other twists the Timekeeper had in store.
The Smack Talk Saga: The Battle for Holiday Order
The Rusty Pelican was still buzzing from the fallout of Joe Joe Sausage Head’s clash when the lights dimmed, signaling the next match. The energy in the bar shifted as a strange, eerie melody crept through the speakers, announcing the arrival of The Triad of Oddities.
Chaos Enters the Ring
From behind the curtain emerged Busted Barbra, her wild hair and furious expression daring anyone to cross her. Beside her, Drippy McGee slid into view—literally—leaving a trail of mysterious slickness behind him. Rounding out the trio, the lumbering bulk of FUPA Fumpa waddled onto the stage, his intimidating frame drawing gasps and groans from the crowd.
The Triad sauntered toward the ring, their cryptic whispers about Aeloria and oddly synchronized movements unnerving everyone. Barbra spelled out “CHAOS” with her hands, McGee mimed swimming through the air, and FUPA let out a guttural roar that shook the neon lights overhead.
And then, a joyous sound cut through the eerie vibe—sleigh bells!
Order Arrives to Save Christmas
Bursting onto the stage, Santa Claws appeared in all his holiday glory, hefting a red sack of unknown contents. Behind him, the eccentric duo of Alphabet Soup followed, wearing oversized varsity sweaters emblazoned with giant letters. Soup’s tag-team debut brought cheers from the crowd, their fans already spelling out chants like “W-I-N!” and “C-H-A-O-S!”
“This isn’t just about wrestling,” Santa Claws declared into the mic. “This is about SAVING CHRISTMAS from the madness of the Triad!”
Barbra grabbed a mic, cackling. “Save Christmas? You can’t even save yourself, Claus. We’re the spirit of chaos, and this is our season now!”
With those words, the bell rang, and the match was on.
Round One: Chaos Takes Control
FUPA Fumpa started in the ring for the Triad, his massive frame a literal roadblock for Santa Claws. The holiday hero charged forward, attempting a shoulder tackle, but FUPA barely flinched. Laughing, FUPA scooped Santa up and dropped him with a massive belly-to-belly slam.
Alphabet Soup scrambled onto the ropes, spelling out “H-E-L-P!” with frantic gestures. They tagged in, ducking under FUPA’s wild swings and attempting to bring some order with a coordinated “Word Wall” attack.
The plan worked—for a moment. Drippy McGee, sliding into the ring on his mysterious slickness, tangled up Soup with a surprise leg sweep, leaving the spelling savants flailing on the mat. Barbra tagged in, stomping furiously while shouting letters of her own: “C-A-R-N-A-G-E!”
Round Two: The Holiday Spirit Rallies
Just as it seemed like chaos would reign supreme, Santa Claws roared back to life. With a dramatic tag from Soup, Santa launched himself back into the fray. He yanked a candy cane kendo stick from his sack and began spinning it like a nunchaku, forcing the Triad to scatter.
“Ho-ho-ho, you naughty little misfits!” Santa bellowed, swinging his weapon with holiday cheer.
FUPA lumbered toward him, but Santa ducked under a wild swing and countered with a Sleigh Bell Suplex that shook the ring. The crowd erupted as Santa rallied Alphabet Soup, who rejoined the fight with renewed energy.
“Time to spell it out!” Soup shouted, hoisting Barbra into a double suplex. As Barbra staggered to her feet, Soup spelled out “O-U-T!” with a flying crossbody that sent her tumbling out of the ring.
Round Three: The Madness Peaks
Drippy McGee, the wildcard of the Triad, slithered back into the ring with a bucket labeled “SLIPPERY SURPRISE.” He upended it onto the canvas, turning the mat into a treacherous mess. Santa and Soup slipped and slid, struggling to regain their footing.
“F-U-N!” Drippy taunted, spelling out his own version of chaos.
But just as the Triad seemed poised for victory, something strange happened. The ring lights flickered, and glowing Aelorian runes briefly appeared beneath the slippery mess. FUPA froze mid-charge, Barbra glanced nervously around, and Drippy stopped laughing.
Santa seized the moment, hoisting his sack high. “Enough of this nonsense!” he shouted, pulling out a blindingly bright Christmas star. He hurled it into the air, and the entire bar was bathed in a dazzling glow.
The crowd shielded their eyes, and when the light dimmed, FUPA and Drippy were sprawled on the mat, Barbra was tangled in the ropes, and Santa and Soup were standing tall.
The Finish
Santa climbed to the top rope, delivering his Ho-Ho-Hammer onto FUPA, while Soup pinned Drippy with a perfectly executed “Alphabet Slam.”
The ref counted: “One! Two! Three!”
The bell rang, and the crowd erupted in cheers as Santa Claws and Alphabet Soup celebrated their hard-fought victory.
Post-Match Chaos
But the victory was short-lived. As Santa and Soup waved to the fans, the lights flickered again, and a low, ominous hum filled the air. The Aelorian runes reappeared, glowing faintly before fading into the mat.
Barbra, FUPA, and Drippy regrouped on the outside, whispering cryptically to each other. Santa leaned on the ropes, glaring at them.
“This isn’t over,” he muttered, clutching his sack. “Not by a long shot.”
The Triad backed away, their laughter echoing eerily as they disappeared into the shadows of the Rusty Pelican. The crowd buzzed with speculation—what did the runes mean? And why did the Triad seem almost… pleased?
The night was far from over, and the mysteries of Aeloria loomed larger than ever.
Attention Smack Talk Fans!
🎤 The Commish Breaks In! 🎤
Alright, folks, let’s hit pause on the action for a second because I’ve got some news that’s almost as exciting as Joe Joe’s Sausage Splash.
You’ve been watching the chaos unfold here in the ring, but did you know you can actually talk to me right now on Conderman.group? That’s right, I’m not kidding. Hop over to the website, and I’m there waiting for you. Say hi, ask me anything, or tell me what YOU want to see in the Smack Talk Universe.
Special Shoutout to Melissa!
Hey, Melissa! I heard from Dan that you’ve been asking questions and maybe feeling a little lost. Don’t worry—I’ve got your back! If you want more info about Barbra, FUPA, and Drippy, just swing by the site. Dan’s probably off working on bio pages or chasing Granny through her Christmas village, but I’m always here.
Why Wait? Let’s Chat!
It’s Web3.0, baby—it’s run by AI, and it’s CRAZY! Think of it like this: I’m your personal guide to the Smack Talk madness. Got storyline ideas? Wrestler questions? Or maybe you just want to tell me how awesome Alphabet Soup is? Hit me up, and let’s make it happen.
This is your league, and it thrives on your voice. So, don’t be shy—head to Conderman.group right now. Let’s build something wild together!
Now, let’s get back to the action…
Attention Smack Talk Fans!
Luscious Locks Calls Out the Timekeeper
The lights in the Rusty Pelican dimmed, and an otherworldly hum filled the air. The crowd grew restless, their murmurs rising as glowing tendrils of golden light began to cascade down from the rafters. Suddenly, a hauntingly melodic chant echoed through the speakers. Emerging from the backstage shadows, Luscious Locks strode into the ring, her hair shimmering like a living, sentient entity.
She grasped the mic, her expression a mix of determination and defiance. “For weeks, the Timekeeper has been playing his games,” she began, her voice steady but laced with fury. “My matches, my mind, even my memories—he’s tampered with them all. But no more. No more whispers in the dark, no more ticking clocks. I am not your puppet!”
The crowd roared its approval, rallying behind the enigmatic star. Her voice rose above their cheers. “Timekeeper, if you’re watching—and I know you are—show yourself. Face me. Right here, right now.”
The Aelorian Echoes
The air grew colder as the lights flickered, casting ominous shadows across the ring. A faint ticking sound began to echo, growing louder with every second. The crowd fell silent as runes began to glow faintly on the mat beneath Luscious’s feet.
She didn’t flinch. Instead, she tilted her head back, hair glowing brighter, and shouted, “I am not afraid of you!”
In response, the Timekeeper’s disembodied voice filled the room, a deep, resonant tone that seemed to vibrate through the bones of every fan in attendance. “Brave words, Luscious,” he intoned. “But courage is fleeting… just like time.”
A Cryptic Warning
The ticking sound stopped abruptly, replaced by a low, pulsating hum. The glowing runes on the mat spiraled outward, then disappeared as quickly as they came. The Timekeeper’s voice echoed one last time: “The clock strikes soon, Luscious. Be ready to pay the price.”
And then—silence.
Luscious stood tall, gripping the mic with white-knuckled intensity. “You think I’m afraid of your games? You don’t know who you’re dealing with. I’ve faced worse than your shadows. And when I find you, Timekeeper, you’ll wish you’d stayed hidden.”
The Aftermath
The crowd erupted into cheers as Luscious dropped the mic and exited the ring, her hair trailing behind her like a battle banner. Fans were left buzzing with questions. What price would she have to pay? What was the Timekeeper’s endgame?
One thing was clear: the stakes were higher than ever, and Luscious Locks wasn’t backing down. The Aeloria Effect had its grip on the league, and the Timekeeper had just made the game even more dangerous.
Main Event: Ann Von Chovie and The Enigma Phoenix vs. Hank “The Babe” Williams and Tik-Tok Timmy
The Rusty Pelican buzzed with excitement as the announcer’s voice boomed through the speakers. “Ladies and gentlemen, it’s time for your MAIN EVENT!” The crowd erupted as the arena lights flashed, the tension in the air thick enough to cut with a knife.
The Entrances
Ann Von Chovie was the first to make her entrance, storming onto the stage to a thunderous ovation. Clad in her signature red and gold gear, her intensity was palpable. She pointed directly to the ring, shouting, “I’ve waited long enough—tonight, I’m taking everything!”
Next came The Enigma Phoenix, his entrance a mesmerizing display of flame-like lights and ethereal music. He glided to the ring with an air of quiet determination, nodding curtly at Ann. The crowd wasn’t sure if these two could get along, but the energy was electric.
The opposing team made their presence known in true chaotic fashion. Hank “The Babe” Williams strutted out first, flanked by Bungston Big Bucks, whose ever-present briefcase gleamed under the arena lights. Behind them, Tik-Tok Timmy burst onto the stage, filming himself and dabbing to his viral theme music. The mix of boos and laughter from the crowd set the tone for what was sure to be a wild showdown.
The Match Begins
Ann started off against Hank, her speed and technical skills clashing with his raw power. Hank overpowered her early, tossing her across the ring like a rag doll and taunting the crowd with his exaggerated poses. But Ann was no pushover—she countered a suplex attempt with a jaw-dropping hurricanrana, leveling Hank and rallying the fans.
When Tik-Tok Timmy tagged in, the chaos ramped up. He immediately pulled out his signature phone, pointing it at Ann mid-match. The device morphed into an antique camera, confusing the ref and distracting Ann just long enough for Timmy to land a Clock Drop.
Phoenix tagged himself in, entering with a flurry of aerial acrobatics that had the crowd on its feet. He landed a spinning kick on Timmy and followed up with a near-fall after a moonsault. But Hank wasn’t about to let his team lose so easily—he bulldozed into the ring, clotheslining Phoenix and breaking the pin.
Key Spots
- Hank’s Power Play: Hank nearly secured the win after lifting Phoenix into a devastating powerbomb, but Ann broke the pin with a perfectly timed elbow drop.
- Timmy’s Antics: Timmy interrupted the action to film a “behind-the-scenes vlog” mid-match, earning groans from Hank and laughs from the crowd. His antics nearly cost his team when Ann capitalized with a Sausage Splash out of nowhere.
- Phoenix Takes Flight: The Enigma Phoenix dazzled the crowd with a high-risk Flaming Wingsplash to the outside, taking out both Hank and Timmy in one jaw-dropping moment.
The Finish
As the match reached its climax, all four wrestlers were in the ring, trading blows in a chaotic brawl. Hank attempted to use a foreign object—a steel chain handed to him by Bungston—but Phoenix ducked under the swing and hit him with a blistering superkick.
Meanwhile, Ann locked Timmy in her Hold the Mayo submission. The ref struggled to maintain order as Bungston climbed onto the apron, waving his briefcase and shouting instructions. Ann released the hold to confront him, but Phoenix swooped in, springboarding off the ropes to knock Bungston to the floor.
With the chaos outside neutralized, Ann and Phoenix hit a tandem finisher—Phoenix’s Flaming Wingsplash followed by Ann’s devastating flying elbow drop. The ref counted 1-2-3 as the crowd exploded with cheers.
Post-Match Fallout
The victors stood tall in the ring, but Ann wasn’t celebrating. She grabbed a mic, breathing heavily, and pointed at The Enigma Phoenix. “This doesn’t change anything, Phoenix. You still owe me a title shot!”
Before he could respond, the lights flickered ominously. A faint ticking sound filled the air, and the Aeloria Effect rippled through the barn, freezing everyone in place for a split second. When the lights stabilized, a cryptic message appeared on the Titantron:
“Time waits for no one… not even champions.”
The show ended with Ann glaring at Phoenix, Hank seething on the ramp, and Timmy livestreaming the chaos. Smack Talk Wrestling had once again left fans buzzing, and the mystery of the Timekeeper loomed larger than ever.
