The Prison Tattoo Translator: Finally, Know What That Neck Ink REALLY Means!
Daniel Conderman 
Have you ever stared at a dude’s tattoo-covered forearm and thought, Wow, that intricate skull might mean he’s seen some stuff—only to realize you have absolutely no idea what stuff? Fear not, dear reader, for today we introduce the Prison Tattoo Translator, your official (and completely unreliable) guide to the mysterious world of ink behind bars!
The Basics: A Quick Reference Guide
👑 Crown Tattoo – You might think royalty, but in prison, this usually means gang affiliation, or that the wearer has legally changed their name to “King Beef.” Either way, respect is mandatory.
🍕 Pizza Slice Tattoo – A highly underreported symbol that represents an unbreakable love for cheese. Could indicate the person ran a successful prison hustle trading ramen packets for commissary deep-dish.
🦎 Lizard or Dragon Tattoo – Often means the wearer is part of a specific gang… or that they watched The NeverEnding Story too many times as a kid and really wanted their own Falkor.
🧩 Puzzle Piece Tattoo – Could mean the wearer has a missing piece in their life, or just that they lost a lot of hours to Candy Crush before getting locked up.
Face Tattoos: The Bold and The Brave
🤡 Joker Smile Tattoo – A sign of insanity, or just a man who refuses to let bad vibes win. He’s either here to laugh through the pain or let you know he knows a guy who can make you disappear.
👀 Eyes Tattooed on Eyelids – This might look tough, but deep down, it’s just a cry for help from someone who really hates being woken up for count.
🌮 Tiny Taco on the Cheek – This means ride or die in the underground burrito trade. These are the guys you trust to get you extra salsa when times get rough.
Neck Tattoos: High Commitment, Higher Confusion
🕷 Spider Web Tattoo – Often linked to time served, but if you ask the wrong guy, he might just tell you it represents his deep emotional connection to Charlotte’s Web.
🌹 Rose on the Neck – Usually a symbol of love or remembrance, but if it’s paired with a banner reading “Mom,” it doubles as a get-out-of-trouble card when she visits.
💾 Floppy Disk Tattoo – Wait… how long has this guy been locked up?!
The Full Chest/Back Tattoos: Where the Legends Live
🐉 Giant Dragon Wrapped Around the Torso – This man believes in honor, power, and possibly Dungeons & Dragons.
🐅 Tiger Leaping Over a Prison Fence – He tried to escape once, but not very well.
📜 Giant Script Tattoo of a Poem on the Back – This is a warning that this person will absolutely rap at you unprompted.
Final Thoughts: What Should You Get?
If you’re considering prison tattoos (whether or not you’re actually incarcerated), may we suggest something that will confuse future historians? Perhaps a Game Boy Advance on your wrist or the full script of Shrek 2 down your arm?
Or, better yet—just stick with a solid “Mom” in a heart. Some classics never go out of style.
Happy translating!
