Daniel Conderman 
For centuries, philosophers, scientists, and stoned college freshmen have sought the meaning of life. Some say it’s 42, others claim it’s happiness, and some just shrug and go back to watching reruns of The Office. But what if the true answer is an equation?
Let’s start with a fundamental observation:
Young people want to change the world. Old people know better than to try.
This isn’t cynicism; it’s physics. It’s Life Dynamics, a field I just made up, but trust me, it’s real.
Defining the Life Function
We can model this as a function:
L = f(Y, O)
Where:
- Y (Youth Factor) represents the desire to change things.
- O (Old Wisdom Coefficient) represents the knowledge that change is often futile, misguided, or worse.
Since youthful ambition tends to be high but uninformed, and old wisdom is informed but reluctant, life’s trajectory is governed by their interaction.
A simple first-pass equation:
L = Y - O
Meaning: Life equals the difference between youthful ambition and old wisdom.
Case Studies in Life Dynamics
Let’s apply this to real-world scenarios:
1. Revolutionary Movements
- Young people push for change: Y = 100
- Older generations resist: O = 80
- Outcome: L = 20 (Small, incremental change happens, but most of the time it gets stuck in bureaucracy.)
2. Tech Disruption
- A young person says, “We should replace all stores with an app!” (Y = 120)
- An older business owner says, “People like talking to humans.” (O = 90)
- Outcome: L = 30 (We get Amazon Go stores, but cashiers still exist.)
3. AI and Automation
- Young engineers want AI to take over everything (Y = 150).
- Experienced professionals warn, “The robots will make mistakes.” (O = 130).
- Outcome: L = 20 (AI assistants exist, but we still have human oversight.)
The Advanced Life Equation
If we introduce experience (E) and reality checks (R), we get:
L = (Y - O) ÷ (1 + E + R)
Where:
- E (Experience Coefficient): The longer you live, the more you realize how things really work.
- R (Reality Check Factor): The universe’s way of telling you your idea is dumb (economic crashes, human nature, unintended consequences).
This means youthful ambition does create change, but the rate of change is slowed by experience and the constraints of reality.
Special Cases
- If E and R approach zero:
L = Y - OPure utopian idealism. Everything is possible. (See: 1960s, Silicon Valley pitch decks.) - If Y approaches zero:
L = -OSociety stagnates, nothing changes. (See: the DMV.) - If O is zero:
L = YUnchecked youthful ambition leads to chaos. (See: Fyre Festival.)
Conclusion
So what is the meaning of life? It’s the perpetual tension between youthful optimism and aged pragmatism, expressed mathematically as:
L = (Y - O) ÷ (1 + E + R)
Or, in plain English:
Life is a function of “Young people wanna change shit, old people know better not to.”
Now, go forth and solve for L—but don’t be surprised if the answer is “We tried that already, and it didn’t work.”
