Listen up, future debt collectors of America! If you’re thinking about learning a practical, high-demand skill that will lead to a stable career in just a couple of years, STOP RIGHT THERE. Put down that wrench, step away from the welding torch, and let’s have a serious conversation about why you should follow the real American dream: spending four to six years (or more!) in college, accumulating a mountain of debt, and graduating into a world that definitely, 100% needs another communications major.
1. Who Needs Job Security When You Can Have Existential Dread?
Trade school might promise you a guaranteed job right after graduation, but do you really want to miss out on the once-in-a-lifetime experience of sending out 500 résumés and getting exactly zero responses? There’s nothing quite like the thrill of watching your bank account hover at $12.43 while recruiters politely inform you that they’re going with a candidate who “has more experience” (which, of course, you were supposed to get from an unpaid internship).
Meanwhile, electricians and HVAC technicians are busy enjoying livable wages and job security, but at what cost? Happiness? Stability? A clear path in life? Pass.
2. Why Earn Money in Two Years When You Can Spend a Decade Paying Off Loans?
Sure, trade school students enter the workforce quickly, some even earning $60,000+ a year right out of the gate. But what about the joy of spending 10–20 years paying off student loans for that sociology degree? Nothing builds character like watching your entire paycheck vanish into loan payments while your friend who became a plumber is off buying a house. A HOUSE. In THIS economy?!
Let’s be honest: struggling is what makes you an adult. How else will you truly appreciate life unless you experience the crushing despair of working an unpaid internship at age 26 while your auto-mechanic cousin is already planning his second vacation of the year?
3. Sweat and Hard Work? Ew, Gross.
Plumbers, welders, and mechanics work with their hands, problem-solving and using actual skills that people need. But let’s not ignore the obvious downside: they have to work. Like, physically. With tools and stuff.
Instead, imagine this: sitting in an air-conditioned office for 40 hours a week, attending important meetings where nothing gets done, and nodding along while your boss explains how “synergy” will boost engagement. You could be “leveraging thought leadership” and “driving innovation” instead of, you know, fixing real-world problems. Who cares if you’ll never actually know what your job does? You’ll have PowerPoint presentations and LinkedIn endorsements, and isn’t that what life is all about?
4. The Best Time to Find Yourself Is When You Can’t Afford Rent
If you skip trade school, you get the full college experience: ramen noodle dinners, roommates who never clean, and the sheer panic of realizing you have no idea what you’re doing with your life after graduation. It’s all part of the process!
Meanwhile, trade school students are out there making money before they even finish their programs. They graduate with actual skills that people need. But you? You’ll have enlightenment. You’ll have stories about that one philosophy professor who really made you think about the meaning of life—right before you accepted a temp job to pay your student loans.
5. A Midlife Crisis Is More Fun When You’ve Got Debt to Keep You Company
What’s the point of life if you don’t wake up at 40 wondering where it all went wrong? Imagine the excitement of realizing that, despite years of education and a fancy degree, you still can’t afford to get your car fixed because mechanics (those trade school losers) are charging you a small fortune.
Do you really want to rob yourself of the chance to say, “I should have learned a trade” every time you see an electrician pull up in a brand-new truck? No. You want to embrace the struggle.
Conclusion: Be a Hero, Follow the Traditional Path
So, before you go making a responsible choice—like becoming an electrician, welder, or HVAC technician with actual job security—remember this: the only real path to success is the one that involves crippling debt, professional uncertainty, and years of unnecessary struggle.
Because at the end of the day, isn’t that what your parents did? And look at them! They’re so proud of you for following in their footsteps.
Just ignore the fact that they also call a plumber every time the sink backs up.
