Daniel Conderman 
Ever wanted to blend in during an alien invasion? Well, worry no more—because with this Limited Edition Abduction-Camo Hoodie™, you’ll disappear right into the herd as the mothership does its work.
👽 ENGINEERED FOR INTERGALACTIC STEALTH 👽
This isn’t just a hoodie—it’s a strategic survival tool. When the UFOs descend, their scanners will see you as just another mildly confused cow, standing motionless in a beam of extraterrestrial light. Congratulations, you’ve just unlocked first-class seating on the Mooo-othership.
🥛 DAIRY-GRADE FABRIC TECHNOLOGY 🥛
Woven from 100% quantum-stitched alien fiber (okay, fine—cotton/poly blend), this hoodie is soft enough for casual earth lounging but durable enough to withstand repeated close encounters.
🚜 APPROVED BY LOCAL FARMERS 🚜
Farmers hate this hoodie! Why? Because their cows keep mysteriously vanishing when people wear it. Scientists have confirmed that putting this hoodie on within 50 yards of a barn increases your abduction probability by at least 400%.
🌎 LIMITED EARTH RELEASE 🌎
Originally designed for the Zeta Reticuli 4-H Club, we intercepted a shipment before it left orbit. Once these are gone, the only way to get one is to steal it from a cow mid-abduction (which we cannot legally recommend).
This product is made especially for you as soon as you place an order, which is why it takes us a bit longer to deliver it to you. Making products on demand instead of in bulk helps reduce overproduction, so thank you for making thoughtful purchasing decisions!
