For Immediate Release – December 2025
In a move that has sent shockwaves through the literary world, Conderman.Group Publishing—a name so fresh and innovative it makes Amazon look like a dusty used bookstore—is proud to announce a bold new series of books set to redefine the very fabric of reading as we know it. These books, meticulously crafted by the finest minds (and a couple of caffeine-fueled interns), will soon be available in the very best bookstores near you. That’s right, the ones that have been handpicked for their commitment to staying open during business hours and having more than two people working at any given time.
These groundbreaking works, dubbed the “Literary Renaissance of Our Time” (pending approval from actual literary critics), promise to take readers on journeys so life-altering that they might actually forget how much they hate their morning commute. The first release, a collection of essays called “A Journey Through Life, Like, Literally: A Guide to Modern Existential Crisis”, will delve into such pressing topics as “Is it too late to start a podcast?”, “How to make your coffee more artisanal while still keeping it affordable”, and “The Ethics of Binge-Watching Entire Seasons of TV Shows in One Day.”
But that’s just the beginning. Conderman.Group Publishing’s audacious new series also includes:
“The Definitive Guide to Being a Person on the Internet Without Going Completely Insane”
In this gripping manual, internet experts (who may or may not have been influenced by far too much caffeine and late-night Reddit threads) break down the very real struggle of maintaining some semblance of sanity while scrolling through social media. Packed with helpful diagrams like “The Golden Rule of Instagram Posting” and “How to Avoid Arguing with Someone About Pineapple on Pizza”, this book is poised to become the definitive guide to navigating the digital age—whether you want to or not.
“How to Tell If Your Plant Really Likes You (Or If It’s Just Being Nice)”
Finally, a deep dive into the emotional and psychological complexities of plant ownership. This long-awaited book tackles some of life’s most confusing questions, like “How do you really know if your fern is thriving, or just pretending to be okay because you’ve been feeding it nothing but water?” and “Is my cactus judging me, or is that just its natural resting face?” Prepare for a multi-layered exploration that will change the way you interact with the leafy creatures that share your living room (or your office, if you’re really trying to go for the ‘hipster’ vibe).
“Cooking with Calculus: The Secret Ingredients to Mathematical Cuisine”
Who knew math could taste so good? With this daring cookbook, Conderman.Group Publishing has boldly fused the worlds of complex mathematical theory and culinary arts. Inside, you’ll find recipes like “The Polynomial Pancake Stack” and “Pi-Flavored Pie (Gluten-Free, of Course)”. Each recipe is meticulously explained with just enough math jargon to make you feel like you’re learning something, but not enough to make you regret opening the book in the first place. Perfect for people who want to impress their dinner guests without admitting they don’t actually know what “calculus” is.
“The Art of Procrastination: How to Avoid Doing the Thing You Should Be Doing”
A masterclass in the art of putting things off until tomorrow (or next week, or the week after). This book combines deeply philosophical insights with practical strategies like “How to Overthink Your Email Response for 45 Minutes” and “Perfecting the Craft of Fake-Working While Watching YouTube Videos on Your Phone.” If you’ve ever been paralyzed by the prospect of an overdue deadline, this book is for you, in the same way you’re “for” a salad but only when it’s paired with fries.
And, in true Conderman fashion, the books won’t just be books—they’ll be experiences. Expect pop-up events where you can meet authors who may or may not exist, interactive book readings where audience participation is encouraged (even though it’s not), and limited-edition hardcover releases wrapped in the finest eco-friendly faux-leather that will almost definitely be confused with real leather by your grandma.
“We’re not just publishing books,” said Dan Conderman, the visionary (some say prophetic) force behind Conderman.Group Publishing. “We’re publishing experiences. These books will make you laugh, cry, question your entire existence—and then laugh again, because honestly, what’s the point of being alive if you can’t have a good laugh about it?”
The books will be available in “better” bookstores near you. No, seriously, these stores will be better—you know, the ones with the comfy chairs, helpful staff, and a little cafe that serves overpriced lattes that make you feel sophisticated just by ordering them. Also, they’ll be available online for those who prefer to experience literature without leaving the couch (and who, quite frankly, haven’t brushed their hair in three days).
Stay tuned for more information as Conderman.Group Publishing gets ready to launch this literary revolution. You won’t want to miss it—unless, of course, you’re too busy binge-watching your favorite show, which we completely understand.
Conderman.Group Publishing: Making Books Great Again (It Was Never Really Bad, but We’re Making Them Better Anyway).
